tammyjoymccrea

I used to view exercising self discipline as being akin to lifting a heavy weight.  Lately I have come to the realization that it is more of a stepping aside, a process of getting out of one's own way.  Discover what is in your way – what is mentally or emotionally blocking you from proceeding forward -  and move past it.

For some time I have been somewhat obsessed with having a “career”, i.e., some occupation that any outsider would look at and deem a career. Even though I have successfully managed to obtain a university degree, find my soulmate (soulmate: one who acts as a mirror to my soul), and am in the process of raising two healthy children, my life seems not complete without this nebulous “career” element.  

My husband Rob has been the sole individual behind a fledgling hi-tech business for the past several years. He has managed to build – from scratch – a business that will very soon become profitable. During the course of this building, he has sought out support in the form of business coaching and e-mything. Anything to assist him in proceduralizing his business to allow it to grow.

Recently our friend Bee (one of those coaching him in business matters) "called me out" and told me I had not really been supporting Rob. She did this in the nicest way possible – over lunch, and only in the spirit of wanting to help. Nonetheless, there it was – I was not supporting my husband in the biggest endeavor of his life. Instead of bristling and struggling against it, I had to thank her for calling me out. This is a burden i have been carrying around with me since the beginning. You see, I was raised by parents who believed (and still believe) that a job is not something you enjoy. It is merely something you DO. It pays the bills, you don't like it for the love of God, and hey – you should feel lucky just to be employed in this day and age – right? Internally I have fought against this notion. I am the first in my family to go through university – surely things are different for me. I like the thought of following your heart, of forging you own path, of CREATING your life, rather than just participating in it. So why can't I get with Rob's vision? He has vision; I think,"just get a job”. I want  stability, I want 9 to 5 – or do I? That is my neverending battle, and  that is at the centre of getting in my own way.

After Bee and I had finished lunch, I went about the rest of my day with an emotional hangover. Something has got to change, I thought. If I keep along this path I will get what I have always gotten, and this is certainly not where I want to be.

For the next week I decided to focus solely on supporting Rob, and supporting myself in the meantime. Supporting Rob – what did that look like? Well, a while ago it dawned  on me that all my man (and probably most men for that matter) really needed to be happy was good food and sex. That old adage about the way to a man's heart being through his stomach is in fact only part of the story. So I tried to make sure his needs were met in those areas. But more than being a strictly physical support, I found that it was really a slight tweaking of the mentality behind the actions. What can I do to nourish him, to loosen and fortify his foundation to allow him to grow? And once I started thinking from this perspective, my feelings changed from despair to inspiration, and this led to a change in my actions. And he felt it. The beauty behind all of this is that it was so wonderfully subtle that neither of us could put our finger on what had actually changed.

Let me be clear – in order to support and nurture Rob, I needed to suport and nuture myself. During that first experimental week I decided to cut myself some slack and relax. Being of the Puritan mindset, I typically don't like to do anyhting that might be perceived as “sitting around”. But that week, I did sit around. I read, I took baths, I exercised, I ate well. I bought my first e-book: Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle (but that is a topic for another day!). I even released myself from cruising online job postings. And I felt something beginning to stir inside. MAYBE there is another way – maybe finding my path does not have to involve struggle. MAYBE I just need to get out of my own way.